Jay Nicholas’ Fly Fishing Glossary, February 18, 2011
Nah, we ain’t finished with this Blogosphere Q/A dump-fest. Read on, kind fishing obsessed persons.
Q: What is a Fish burger?
A: See Fish Taco, Hickman’s
Q: What is a Fishwich?
- A. See Fish Taco, Hickman’s?
Q: What is a Fishstick?
- A. See Fish Taco, Hickman’s
Q: What is a Hickman’s Fish Taco?
- A fly pattern ostensibly developed by Jeff Hickman. In actualness, Hickman created this pattern based on sketches and fly pattern description recorded on a rare 4,000 BC papyrus found in an ancient pyramid near the Nile River.
- Note carefully the photograph above with Jeff Hickman holding a fine winter steelhead buck, a so-called Fish Taco dangling from said steelhead’s jaw, and the nose of the true brains in the operation, at the left side of the photo.
Q: When should one apply Shrimp oil to salmon flies?
- This is a dastardly practice and is contrary to the fly fisher’s code of ethics. Never. Not in a thousand years.
Q: When should one apply Shrimp oil to salmon fleas?
- Anytime you can get the little buggers to cease their hopping around in order to apply said shrimp oil.
Q: What are “acceptable” characteristics of steelhead?
- Look here. The average steelhead fly fisher invests 34 grand in tackle and over three years to catch one of these dang fish. As such, the smallest little fish of any condition that is actually of the steelhead classification of Pacific Salmon has acceptable characteristics to make afore mentioned fly fisher leap for joy. This includes a spawned out summer steelhead caught in Freeway lakes or a fish that has been recycled from Foster to Waterloo Park twenty-three times already, and is therefore sporting twenty-three spaghetti tags, one to commemorate each ride in the tanker from the fish trap to the Waterloo boat ramp.
What does “Gone Fishing” refer to?
- This is the phrase that goes through any supervisor’s mind when an employee of the steelhead or salmon fly-fishing persuasion phones the office and claims that he or she is laying at home ill, stranded by the side of the highway with a bent crankshaft, or recuperating after changing the litter box. Fishing fever is what the boss is thinking to him or herself during the conversation.
Q: What are Steelhead Men?
- This is an archaic, gender offensive, and socially inappropriate reference to persons who fly fish for steelhead. Correct contemporary usage requires substitution of steelhead persons, steelhead fishers, steelhead anglers, steelhead men and women, or steelheaders. A wide range of phrases are available to refer to the poor souls who are steelhead obsessed. Even though these individuals tend predominantly to be of the male species, a growing cadre of female humans are engaging in the same dangerous practice of fly fishing for steelhead and salmon.
Q: What is the difference between steelhead and salmon?
- Practically speaking, there is no difference. As far as fly fishers are concerned, both fish kinds are mythical and nearly impossible to catch. Both require investments of insane amounts of time, energy, cash, obsessive-compulsive behaviors, and hanging out with unsavory persons in a vain attempt to learn of secret fly patterns and secret fishing places. Steelhead? Salmon? Both salmon and steelhead fishing portend he death of any semblance of a normal life.
Q: What is a Hot pink steelhead?
- A. This phrase is slang reference to a really vigorous steelhead, as in “wow was that a hot fish! “ The phrase has, as is usual among steelhead fly fishers, been exaggerated time and again, as “smokin’ hot steelhead”, hottie steelhead”, “white hot steelie”, and finally the afore mentioned “hot pink steelhead.” The derivative is unknown, but may be related with excessive LDS exposure. Or LSD. Whatever.
Q: What constitutes a great day fishing?
- Any day fishing is a great day of fishing. But if you are reading this, you knew this already.
Jay Nicholas February 18, 2011