What’s wrong with fly fishing for steelhead and salmon?

What’s wrong with fly fishing for steelhead and salmon?

Nicholas’ Fly Fishing  Glossary – Random Questions and Answers from the Blogosphere

February 14, 2011

Blogosphere questions asked and answered in sincere oddness.

Q:  What are the problems with fly fishing for steelhead and salmon?

  1. These are too numerous to list here.  Squandering of life’s savings, college fund, mortgage payment, and food allowance.  Driving with the check engine light on for 6 months because we are spending all our cash on gas to go fishing.  Missed anniversaries, birthdays, anniversaries, funerals, weddings, and such.  Loss of gainful employment.  Loss of friends who get too nosy about where we are fishing or the killer flies we have invented.  Loss of tolerance, love, and affection by all but a handful of similarly afflicted souls.

Q:  What can you tell me about steelhead?

A:  Not a darn useful thing you wouldn’t be better off learning yourself.

Q:  What is the best fly hook for steelhead flies?

  1. A fly hook that is properly temperamental.  See foul hook.

Q:  What is a Foul Hook?

  1. This term refers to a fly hook constructed of metal that is tempered too little or too much.  The former mentioned fly hook would bend easily when lodged in the mouth of the steelhead that a fly fisher has tried valiantly to engage over a period of approximately three years.  This bending, or unbending as the case in fact exists, results in said too-little-tempered fly hook becoming straight and the afore mentioned steelhead swimming away laughing its fish ass off at the antics of the distraught fly fisher.  An overly tempered foul hook will promptly snap off at the hook bend when said fly hook is engaged in the mouth of any fish over a length of about 4”, again resulting in a highly distraught fly angler sputtering in inconsolable disbelief.

Q:  Why capitalize Chinook?

  1. Because everyone else, virtually, is already doin’ it and spell checkers are difficult to overdrive. Also because it irritates the bejeepers out of one of my very best friends, that’s why.  See?

Q:  Should one capitalize steelhead?

  1. Nope.

Q:  What is a fly fishing box?

A:  The corner that many fly fishers paint themselves into as a consequence of making up stories about 1) laying home in bed sick when they were actually on the river fishing where they ran into their boss in another boat.  This situation is routinely mitigated by the fact that the first noted fisher’s boss had also called in sick on that very same day and both agree to not bust each other – ever.  See also “gone fishing.”  Also, the stereotypical image of a fly fisher based on persons having watched A River Runs Through It sometime in their life.  Such persons think that all us fly fishing nut cases fit into some sort of Robert Redford, Brad Pitt-ish persona with fly lines loop-de-looping overhead and the sun glinting on the water with legendary trout lurking around monstrous bone-crunching rapids. See also “what are steelhead men?”

Q:  What is a Fly fishing line?

  1. Formerly, string tied to a fish pole.  Currently, fly fishing line is the same string re-packaged, labeled as fly fishing line, sold at 1,000 % mark-up,.  Also, a fly fishing line is an outright lie, fabricated for any of a multitude of purposes, such as misleading one’s associates regarding how many steelhead one has caught recently, where said steelhead were caught, how large said steelhead were, what fly said steelhead were caught on, how many grabs one had, and such forth.

Q:  What constitutes heavy fly fishing?

  1. Micro Brew fly fishing; contrast to Coors Light fly fishing.  Also, emotionally committed fly fishing, depressing fly fishing, serious commitment to fly fishing, as opposed to just playing around, and finally, heavy fly fishing is an analog to Deep Ecology.

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