Homeland Security Visits fishingwithjay, January 19, 2011

The blogosphere is a weird place space etherial goofy fog.  People who create Busterwantstofish are bold indeed.  That, or they really don’t mind the probability that half their viewers are xxxxxxxs.

Huh?

I was contacted by the Office of Homeland Security recently.  They made two enquiries.  The first was regarding why my blog traffic was so low and why didn’t I use provocative terms like sssssty, bbbbbby, llllllly, wwwwwwxy or ffffffg to boost my viewership.  To this I responded that it was because I am not a _____ mouth; fishingwithjay is a fly fishing, family friendly blog, not a sewer.

The second enquiry was regarding why I had used words like Atlantic Salmon, Sea Trout, Kamchatka, Alaska, Brown trout, Dean River, Peacock Bass, Tarpon, Mongolia, Argentina, New Zealand, Africa, Norway, Russia, Australia, Carp, Musky, and Smallie.

Apparently, Homeland Security Internet scrutiny software analytics had flagged me as a possible _______ to national _______, and calculated a high probability that I was a diagnosable ______ because I had made repeated use of the terms “fly fishing”, ‘fly tying”, “steelhead”, “salmon”, and such forth.

This is serious stuff folks. Imagine yourself, sitting quietly in your den, cranking out a hundred dozen size 26 Griffith Gnats when the doorbell rings.  You check the door and there stand three guys in suits with Ray Ban glasses, their black Chev Suburban parked across your driveway, blocking any possibility of vehicular flight.

After using a battering ram on the front door and tear-gassing the back yard, they poked around my fly bench and ran a  _______ detection wand over my drawer of saddle hackles. They demanded to see my migratory bird permit.  They peered over their sunglasses asked why I had __ boxes of ________ hooks.  They had me explain what Waddington Shanks are used for; repeatedly. They counted Tube Leeches, Whiting Euro Saddles, Lady Amherst Center tails,  and asked pointedly if I could honestly say that all that stuff was intended for personal use.  Then they said: really?

After seven hours of interrogation, they pulled out a form and checked the box under “fishing nut.”

Enough said, almost . It makes sense to _____  with respect to our word choices, at least part of the time, it seems important to ________ much of the time, and without doubt I will concentrate on always _______.

The consequences of _________ could be ___________ and none of us want that to come down on our _______, do we?

Jay Nicholas, January 19, 2011

3 thoughts on “Homeland Security Visits fishingwithjay, January 19, 2011

  1. As long as the men in white coats don’t follow the men in grey coats, I think you’re doing alright.

    Keep working on those Gnats, nut, the rivers are dropping.

    1. Nate, the white coat guys and gals make a weekly visit. They even have a cup of coffee and help me weigh dumbell, eyes, sort them into neat little compartments, and verify that my spey fly lines are with 3 gr of their specified weight classification. They check on my meds and then we go through all my Shooting heads, measure each, examine the loops, and make braided butts to make T-14 tips. Yeah, those white coat folks understand. ha ha. And thanks for your compassion. We salmon and steelhead fly fishers need it. JN

  2. Hey Jay,

    This post probably is the cooolest one I have read in a long time! LOL
    See… you don’t need those xsssssy words! absolutely made my day! Thank you! : )

    Mark

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